--unpretty.

So, I have my days where I dont look my best or always feel my best either.
And I usually solve that by indulging myself in strawberry ice cream, cookies, and a good movie.[no weight gain in doing so.] or I just web browse.
&& Im having one of those days today.
Snow day, and im forced to just be in the house, bored&alone.
Youtube--the best website ever made.
I found someone on there today worth blogging about..
Dont know her from a can of paint, but her videos are cute.
check em'.

My Purpose

person 1: 'so have you found your purpose of being yet?'

person 2: 'actually I have, & I've came to realize that my purpose is to find out what exactly the purpose of being is'

person 1: 'wow..., thats deep.'

so you walk around, zombie like; in a dead/reality like body, because your reality is really actually when yhur asleep. && you search vigorously for some type of answer to why things are happenin' to you, the way they are. Why your life is screwed or why you find yhurself in fucked up situations. So you embark on a self-discovery, soul searching journey for answers. But theres no one or nothing that can answer those simple questions becuz these simple answers lie within you. and only you know that no one ever really finds their purpose of being, even when you think you have, you know you havent.

doodles on our paper towel

& i continue to be oblivious when I know about everything thats going on. But I love, to no end and this keeps me from letting go and giving up.
The silence btwn the two of us, makes me think of the silence we shared our first night.
The conversation on that paper towel[which i still have] that made me fall for you.
and the words 'iloveyou' which meant so much then, but so little now.
Hearts are meant to be broken so the right person can come along, pick them up and start putting it back together.
-not so much meant to be broken ; and swept away into a dustpan.
Wanting you but deserving someone better.
Still caring about you but knowing someone could make me feel happier.
Sad becuz I love you far more than you love me;
in the end I just want to be happy.

Indefinite Beauty

in-def-i-nite (n-df-nt)
adj.
a.unclear, vague
b.uncertain, undecided
harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry,
truthfulness, and originality.

beau-ty (byt)
n. pl.
The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.

Beauty that can not be overridden .
You smile because you've been told you were beautiful.
I smile because I know I possess beauty without having to be told.
But of course, a different type of beauty.
A beauty that isn't concrete or obvious but a beauty that is abstract with a million different meanings behind it.
An unclear beauty that only someone who understands me throughly could possibly understand.
Understands why art completes me.
Understands why I do things in order to benefit myself as well as the ones I surround myself with.
Understands why I would never put myself on a petal stool because there is always someone doing things better than I.
Understands why I am open- minded because a close-minded person never prospers.
Understands why I am me.
An Indefinite Beauty.